Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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