But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
