Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.