She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.