woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize