Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET