I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal