I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
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Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
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idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with