Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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