do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
