It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
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I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize