Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
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