yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.