My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
