If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
