Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
