If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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