The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
