My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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