I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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