the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
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we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
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No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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