I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
