i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize