my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize