Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
