I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
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