Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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