So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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