My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
