I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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