I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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