when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize