if i can run in heels then i can drive
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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