Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize