Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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