you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
