you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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