just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
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New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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