Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
