My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
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She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
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You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you