I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
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Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
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I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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