On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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