What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
