In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
