Soap is not a condiment
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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