i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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