so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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