I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
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You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
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Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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