Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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