I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.