Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.