Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
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I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
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The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.