So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
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I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?