Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.