are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank