I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick