honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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