So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize